Today I want to continue the conversation we began a couple weeks ago about the big "P" word: pornography. Porn is a booming, multibillion dollar industry that continues to grow in both scope and accessibility with personal technology. It's big money, and for scores of men and their families, it's big trouble. Millions of men have fallen victim to addiction, with some sources suggesting as many as 90% of men struggling with pornography in some capacity.
Today I want to talk about kicking this addiction once and for all. The truth is, pornography is something you can subtley find your way into, but for men, it is not something you can subtley get out of. It needs to be rooted out with tenacity. No more pussy footing around. No more frolicking through the field of personal indulgement at the expense of your family and health. Dig your cleats in and resolve to do what it'll take to finally become the man or woman you were created to be. Here are 4 practical steps to finally begin to move towards healing and freedom in this area:
1. Repent. First of all, you need to get honest with yourself and God. Porn is first and foremost a heart issue. If you have a problem, say it. If you have been repeatedly sinning against God by looking at women who aren't your wife, call it that. No more pretending it isn't there or soft talking yourself into thinking it's getting better, call it blatant diobedience and fall on your face before God.
"Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord." -Acts 3:19
2. Confess. Porn addiction is spiritual bondage that is often rooted in secracy. If you want to be free, you have to come out with it. That means if you're married, you are going to have to get honest with your spouse and tell him or her what you've been doing. Yes, this is going to suck. Yes, it is going to hurt. It is going to be really, really hard. But you have to do it. Until you do, it will always be something that divides you.
If you're not married, find a Christian friend of the same sex that you both trust and admire and confess it to them. (Your dog doesn't count.) This is a very important part of both the forgiveness and healing process.
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." -James 5:16
3. Band Together. The bottom line is that you can't go at it alone, nor were you meant to. Following Jesus is a team sport. The church is God's design for spiritual growth and health, and it includes a bunch of other people who all have their own junk; people who need you just as much as you need them.
You need to find a group of people who desire to worship and follow Jesus faithfully, and then resolve to do it together. If this is a small group, great. If this a "celebrate recovery" group, great. The point is to seek to follow Jesus alongside people who: love Jesus first and foremost, who know you and your junk and love you anyway, and who will help you walk faithfully.
"Two are better than one...If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up...Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." -Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
4. Software. Let's bring this conversation back to where it started: technology. I love tech and it is a big part of my life, but this is where a lot of people go wrong. Sure, some people prefer strip clubs, buy hard copy magazines, and the like, but for most, it is the laptop or cell phone that is the bane of their spiritual existence. Like an alcoholic carrying around a flask in his pocket, it's far too easy to access in a moment of weakness.
If I am talking about you, you need to get some accountability software. Quality accountability software will block you from being able to access the junk you shouldn't be looking at. It'll remove the temptation altogether because it won't even be an option. Most programs will also email a report of your browsing history to a trusted person of your choosing for an extra level of accountability. It is a must-have for those struggling in this area.
Here are some resources I highly recommend:
XXXchurch.com - XXX Church is solely devoted to helping people who struggle with pornography. This site is packed full of helpful articles, forums, counseling, software, even an online recovery program. Men, women, and couples, this is a great place to start.
X3 Watch - Courtesy of the folks at XXX Church, 'X3 Watch' is acountability software for your computer, phone or ipad. It monitors your browsing activity and sends weekly reports to an accountability partner of your choosing. If you don't have any iPhone, this is the best option that I am aware of. If you do have an iphone, I recommend going with SafeEyes.
SafeEyes - This is hands down the best accountability software I've seen. It will automatically block sites and media you don't want yourself or others coming across, and record usage for a trust 'admin' to see. It's a bit more costly, but well worth the money. This is the best way to go for your iPhone, iPad, and Mac or PC.
YouVersion - This is a FREE bible app developed by our friends at LifeChurch.tv. It can be downloaded on any smart phone, where you can read the bible anywhere, get notes & passages for live events (like at Mosaic each week), and sign up for a bible reading plan that will give you select passages of scripture to read each day. Take what has been causing you to struggle, your phone, and turn it into a source of strength. THIS IS A MUST!
If that doesn't work, say a few parting words to your laptop and then dropkick it out the window. No, seriously. If you do the steps above, get some quality software, and still find a way to look at things you shouldn't be on your phone or computer or tv, get rid of them. Trust me, it is better than cutting off your hand or gauging out an eye and it almost as effective. Do you really need a laptop, ipad, smart phone or cable tv? No. If you are still losing this battle, pull a "Joseph" and run like hell out the front door. Get rid of them.
“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman." -Job 31:1
In wrapping up, as I said in my last post, addiction to porn is not the unforgivable sin. There is forgiveness and hope available. But the reality is that if you continue down that road, the consequences can be very real. I have seen guys lose their jobs, their families, and their souls as a result of an addiction that started out very small. You don't want that story. You can be completely free of this with the help of Jesus Christ and his work on the cross. For those reading this who are in the throws of this struggle right now, know that you are not alone. God is very close, even now, and He beckons you to turn to him so that He can save you from this.
Friends, I am praying for you today.
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