The Ragamuffin Blog

Faith: There's an App for that

Today I want to continue the conversation we began a couple weeks ago about the big "P" word: pornography. Porn is a booming, multibillion dollar industry that continues to grow in both scope and accessibility with personal technology. It's big money, and for scores of men and their families, it's big trouble. Millions of men have fallen victim to addiction, with some sources suggesting as many as 90% of men struggling with pornography in some capacity.

Today I want to talk about kicking this addiction once and for all. The truth is, pornography is something you can subtley find your way into, but for men, it is not something you can subtley get out of. It needs to be rooted out with tenacity. No more pussy footing around. No more frolicking through the field of personal indulgement at the expense of your family and health. Dig your cleats in and resolve to do what it'll take to finally become the man or woman you were created to be. Here are 4 practical steps to finally begin to move towards healing and freedom in this area:

 1. Repent. First of all, you need to get honest with yourself and God. Porn is first and foremost a heart issue. If you have a problem, say it. If you have been repeatedly sinning against God by looking at women who aren't your wife, call it that. No more pretending it isn't there or soft talking yourself into thinking it's getting better, call it blatant diobedience and fall on your face before God. 

"Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord." -Acts 3:19

2. Confess. Porn addiction is spiritual bondage that is often rooted in secracy. If you want to be free, you have to come out with it. That means if you're married, you are going to have to get honest with your spouse and tell him or her what you've been doing. Yes, this is going to suck. Yes, it is going to hurt. It is going to be really, really hard. But you have to do it. Until you do, it will always be something that divides you. 

If you're not married, find a Christian friend of the same sex that you both trust and admire and confess it to them. (Your dog doesn't count.) This is a very important part of both the forgiveness and healing process. 

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." -James 5:16 

3. Band Together. The bottom line is that you can't go at it alone, nor were you meant to. Following Jesus is a team sport. The church is God's design for spiritual growth and health, and it includes a bunch of other people who all have their own junk; people who need you just as much as you need them.

You need to find a group of people who desire to worship and follow Jesus faithfully, and then resolve to do it together. If this is a small group, great. If this a "celebrate recovery" group, great. The point is to seek to follow Jesus alongside people who: love Jesus first and foremost, who know you and your junk and love you anyway, and who will help you walk faithfully. 

"Two are better than one...If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up...Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." -Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

4. Software. Let's bring this conversation back to where it started: technology. I love tech and it is a big part of my life, but this is where a lot of people go wrong. Sure, some people prefer strip clubs, buy hard copy magazines, and the like, but for most, it is the laptop or cell phone that is the bane of their spiritual existence. Like an alcoholic carrying around a flask in his pocket, it's far too easy to access in a moment of weakness.

If I am talking about you, you need to get some accountability software. Quality accountability software will block you from being able to access the junk you shouldn't be looking at. It'll remove the temptation altogether because it won't even be an option. Most programs will also email a report of your browsing history to a trusted person of your choosing for an extra level of accountability. It is a must-have for those struggling in this area.

Here are some resources I highly recommend:

XXXchurch.com - XXX Church is solely devoted to helping people who struggle with pornography. This site is packed full of helpful articles, forums, counseling, software, even an online recovery program. Men, women, and couples, this is a great place to start. 

X3 Watch - Courtesy of the folks at XXX Church, 'X3 Watch' is acountability software for your computer, phone or ipad. It monitors your browsing activity and sends weekly reports to an accountability partner of your choosing. If you don't have any iPhone, this is the best option that I am aware of. If you do have an iphone, I recommend going with SafeEyes.

SafeEyes - This is hands down the best accountability software I've seen. It will automatically block sites and media you don't want yourself or others coming across, and record usage for a trust 'admin' to see. It's a bit more costly, but well worth the money. This is the best way to go for your iPhone, iPad, and Mac or PC.

YouVersion - This is a FREE bible app developed by our friends at LifeChurch.tv. It can be downloaded on any smart phone, where you can read the bible anywhere, get notes & passages for live events (like at Mosaic each week), and sign up for a bible reading plan that will give you select passages of scripture to read each day. Take what has been causing you to struggle, your phone, and turn it into a source of strength. THIS IS A MUST!

If that doesn't work, say a few parting words to your laptop and then dropkick it out the window. No, seriously. If you do the steps above, get some quality software, and still find a way to look at things you shouldn't be on your phone or computer or tv, get rid of them. Trust me, it is better than cutting off your hand or gauging out an eye and it almost as effective. Do you really need a laptop, ipad, smart phone or cable tv? No. If you are still losing this battle, pull a "Joseph" and run like hell out the front door. Get rid of them.

“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman." -Job 31:1

In wrapping up, as I said in my last post, addiction to porn is not the unforgivable sin. There is forgiveness and hope available. But the reality is that if you continue down that road, the consequences can be very real. I have seen guys lose their jobs, their families, and their souls as a result of an addiction that started out very small. You don't want that story. You can be completely free of this with the help of Jesus Christ and his work on the cross. For those reading this who are in the throws of this struggle right now, know that you are not alone. God is very close, even now, and He beckons you to turn to him so that He can save you from this.

Friends, I am praying for you today.

RHYTHMinTWENTY

Alright, so I am going to put aside the porn talk one more time because there is something I really want to tell you about before it's too late. For the past couple years, I have been a part of something that has profoundly shaped the way that I live, the way that I lead, and the way that I pastor. It is called RHYTHMinTWENTY.

Rhythm is a two year journey with twenty other world changers from around the country to together explore a life of Christ-centered passion, rhythm and influence. It involves some travel once a year and some investment financially, but gentleman, it is well worth the investment. If you don't already know, the stats for your marriage and ministry making it, aren't good. Most setout determined to make it, but very few go the distance. Rhythm will change that. 

It will change the way you lead yourself, your family and others. If you are a young Christian leader, and especially if you are in vocational ministry, you need to consider doing this. For more information, checkout the website. FYI, the cutoff to apply for the next group is a week from today.  

 

Father's Day Videos

Father's Day is this Sunday, so while I promise to wrap up our conversation around kicking porn, I wanted to take a minute a few days out to honor the fathers. For those looking for fresh material, ideas, or just a good story, here are some videos in honor of all the dads out there. 

I also love this version of the "Team Hoyt" story, set to Sigur Ros. One idea for pastors would be to show this version and introduce or unpack the story themselves, allowing them to better connect it to what they are talking about.

Yea yea I know, 1997 called and it wants its song back. But this song tells one great story as it relates to fatherhood and its impact on kids, especially sons. A timely message for a fatherless generation, if you ask me.

A fun and perhaps slightly cheesy take on suburban fatherhood. As far as Father's Day videos go, this one is a suburban evangelical church's dream. I got a good laugh out of it.

Confession: I love stand up comedians. As a pastor, I regularly watch and study them as thinkers, communicators and story tellers. Here are some great words of wisdom from comedian Louis C.K. 

For those looking for other Father's Day videos, here are a few honorable mentions: "Swagger Wagon," "I'm Watching You, Dad," "You're Better Than That" - Rocky clip, and Tim Hawkins on Parenting. 

Church Planter: The Man, the Message, the Mission

Right now I am reading the book "Church Planter: The Man, the Message, the Mission" by Darrin Patrick, pastor of The Journey in St. Louis. The book is excellent and I can't recommend it highly enough to every man who desires to step up and become a leader in his family and church, and particularly to anyone considering church planting in the future. For more, check out the video below.

 

Skip 1, Jump on 2

My daughter is fearless.

Sometimes I really wish she wasn't, but she is. Despite hitting her head more times than I can count, she just refuses to come to grips with her frailty. Her favorite game is when I launch her into oblivion and she comes crashing down onto our couch on the other side of the room. The induced whip lash causes her to explode into laughter. She bounces onto the floor, picks herself up and runs right back to me begging for more. She’d do it for hours if I’d let her. She has no fear.

so this baby walks into a bar...

I spotted an interesting headline on my google header this morning. It read, "Should Babies Be Allowed in Bars?" Intrigued, I clicked on the link. Turns out there is somewhat of a heated debate going on in various cities across the states over whether or not children should be allowed in pubs. A number of major cities are responding by banning anyone under 21 from entering such establishments...

Errr...my bad!

becoming the men our families need

It has been a week since I became a dad and just about 4 days since we came home with our new daughter. She is perfect. Absolutely gorgeous. Well-tempered. Hardly ever cries. Is a good eater. And she is healthy (thank you, Lord)... Despite our continued efforts to get comfortable with suddenly being responsible for a human life, and our failed attempts to find a rhythm that works amidst the busy days and sleepless nights, all is good. And we have a lot to be thankful for.

But Megan can tell that I am getting antsy. My mind is racing my heart in a race without pit stops. I've got a lot to do for Kineo to be ready to launch in a month. Logistical stuff. Financial stuff. Ministry stuff. Team stuff. Personal stuff. I need to be getting up early and staying up late. I can't afford to take a day off at this point...

You sensing any red flags yet? Yea, me too. For the record, I always seem to fall into this pattern of lifestyle. I am, in many ways, your typical Type A personality. I love to work, and I love to work hard. I love to be busy. I naturally set high goals for myself and tirelessly strive to achieve them. I like things done well. And I'm your textbook perfectionist... A lot of potential for the kingdom. And lot of potential for a serious train wreck.

Yesterday I noticed the sadness in Megan's eyes. She told me that she could tell that I was really stressed about not being able to work for the last week. And with sympathy, she told me that she was really sorry for that. It was at this moment that the truth hit me like a ton of bricks: my wife is apologizing to me because I had to take time off of work to be with and take care of her and my new daughter?  That's fubar.

I sat down next to my wonderful wife, looked deeply into her eyes, and told her that I was so sorry that she felt the need to apologize for what has been the best week of my life. I went on to apologize for what that reveals about my own issue of being a workaholic. I told her how much I loved her and our new daughter. And I told her that she needs to know that the two girls sitting next to me on this couch are my first priority; and my first ministry. As a husband, I am called to love my wife as Christ loved the church - who, by the way, laid down his life for her. As a father, I am called to take care of the needs of my children and to lead them spiritually. If I fail to love and serve and lead at home, I am neglecting my most important call; and any other ministry I pursue is in vain and doomed for failure by my own hypocrisy. I begged her to call me out if I ever put ministry before family again.

She agreed. I have been blessed to have a wife who continually gives me grace that I don't deserve. But I feel that yesterday was much more than just another time that i needed to admit that I was wrong and ask for forgiveness. It was a warning sign. It was a fork in the road. It was time for me to recognize some things and commit to being the father and husband that my family needs.

Lord, forgive me for being a jerk. Help me to be a Godly husband for my wife and a Godly father for my daughter. Help me to love my girls as you've call me to. Help me to love them as you love them.