Tonight I started thinking about all of the bizarre and hilarious things that have happened during my time on staff at rivertree over the last three years. My conclusion? Come-as-you-are, grace-oriented faith communities are by far the funnest to be a part of. When you throw a bunch of messy, screwed up people and pastors in the same room you just never know whats going to happen! For all of you stuck in Ken and Barbie churches, and Fortune 500 ministries, here's what you're missing. Enjoy.
In an effort to inspire listeners to action, pastor Greg repeatedly
comes back to earlier illustration of the hard work and dedication of
Michael Jackson, each time inciting more laughter than the last. Frustrated and confused, Greg finally asks, "What? Do I have something on my face?" The theater erupts with laughter again, followed by a long silence. Although we all know he really meant to say Michael Jordan, no one tells him in hopes that he'll say it again. (Which, to the delight of us all, he does.)
Reverting back to his rock star instinct, electric guitar player, Keith, performs two guitar throws in a single worship set.
In an
apparent effort to the break world record for most people offended on a Sunday morning, elder chairman, Eric, repeatedly calls God a "badass". He finally accomplishes his goal a year later when he spontaneously jumps off the stage and
runs out of the theater mid-sermon after informing the
congregation that he had drunk too much coffee and "had to pee".
While leading a song one Sunday, I happen to open my eyes between verses to spot a couple lesbians making out in a booth up front. Although I clinched my eyes shut for the next four songs, all I could think about were sexual puns for the rest of the morning.
In response to the rhetorical, sermon-closing question, "Do you really believe that Jesus loves you?", an excited old woman jumps to her feet and, with a passionate fist pump, shouts "Hell yea, I believe!" Caught off guard, pastor Greg awkwardly replies, "thank you", and shuffles off stage.
In promotion of National Porn Sunday, I commited to setup XXX
Church's big blue elephant outside the Rococo Theater in downtown
Lincoln. As it turns out, the elephant was much bigger than we
anticipated, blocking all sidewalk usage and towering over the street. Midway through the 2nd service the cops informed me of how many laws we were breaking and demanded we remove the elephant right away.
Upon finishing his first rivertree sermon entitled "Ministers of Reconciliation", my good friend Walt is approached by a man in his 30's. The man walks up to Walt, throws his arms around him, and excitedly proclaims, "Man, that was exactly what I fuckin needed to hear!"
To introduce a series on spiritual gifts, I decide to show a scene from X-Men 2 depicting a government raid on a secret mutant school. Although nearly 20 are killed in the eight minute sequence, I somehow fail to realize that showing the video would be a mistake until after I hear the congregation collectively gasp at the violent stabbing which opens the scene. In a moment of panic and "duh", I frantically turn to my wife, who was already giving me the unmistakable "You are SO fired" look.
